Wednesday, May 19, 2010

If you think about it, keeping a blog is actually quite a lot like having a pet monster

Scene: Leila sits down at her desk. It is late at night, and she is weary. She has that nasty eerie feeling like something is watching her. She turns around. It is watching her with black, beady eyes.

Blog: Hello.

Blog reaches out with long fingers and starts stroking Leila's neck. 

Leila shivers.

Leila: Go away.

Blog: It has been a while, hasn't it, Leila?

Leila: A while. A short while.

Blog leans closer.

Blog: It's been a month, Leila. You haven't fed me any posts for a month. I'm hungry.

Leila: It's 11pm, and I'm tired. I've spent an evening fighting off a potential world invasion.

Blog: World invasion?

Leila: Of ants.

Blog: Ants?

Leila: Ants. In the kitchen.

Blog: You're saying that ants are more important than me.

Leila: I never said that. It's just that you have to get rid of ants straightaway, or -

Blog: Where's my post, Leila? I have waited weeks, and weeks.

Blog whispers in Leila's ear.

Blog: I can't even begin to describe how hungry I am, Leila.

Leila: I'll give you a post. I'll give you a post tomorrow. Ok?

Blog: I think I am too hungry to wait until tomorrow.

Leila: You don't understand. I have to sleep.

Leila sighs.

Leila: I explained about sleep, remember? How I actually really do have to sleep?

Blog puts a hand under Leila's chin and turns her head so that she has no choice but to look into Blog's eyes.

Blog: I am so hungry that if you don't give me a post right now, I will just have to eat you instead. Ok? 

Blog opens its mouth. Its breath smells like cigarettes and old peppermints.

Leila: Fine! I'll write you a post! Just stop doing that!

Blog's eyes widen.

Blog: You will?

Leila: I will. Right now.

Leila thinks for a moment.

Leila: You know, Blog, I'm still very tired. If I write you a post right now, it won't be a very good post. Wouldn't you rather wait until tomorrow, when I can cook you up something much better and -


Blog opens its mouth again.

Leila: Ok! Ok! I'll give you a post right now!

Leila starts to type.

Blog smiles.

Blog: I could always eat you anyway.

Leila runs.


Kaitlin Ward said...

LOL this is so far past awesome, it needs its own word of awesomeness.

Emilia Plater said...

LMAO. Leila, you are amazing. I'd psychoanalyze your relationship with your blog, but that might open a scary can of worms. :D

Kate Hart said...

Too funny. I am also battling ants. Ooh! We should feed our ants TO OUR BLOGS! *ponders logistics*

Josh said...

Good idea Kate. Kills two birds with one stone!

Anna said...

If this is what comes after only a few weeks (really that's all it's been) well worth the wait!!

I hate ants... Yuck!

mr. said...

Imagine if for the rest of your life you live in a small room. You are well fed and have a well balanced diet. You have beautiful surroundings. The temperature is perfect. Your friends and family encircle you. If your room was taken care of and kept clean with a healthy environment, you would be great. What if you had no way to remove your wastes? You would live in your own feces! How long would you live?

Read More: New Aquarium Setup,

Sandy Shin said...

This is so funny and awesome. :D Pet monster!blog!

Renae said...

New to your blog and love this post! Too funny!

Medeia Sharif said...

Very funny. Thanks for the laugh.

I have to feed my blog this weekend.